In today's world your average life would go something like this:
-get a degree
-get a good job
-date a few guys or girls
-define your life by relationships
-have a kid
-get married
-clean the dishes
-clean the house
-offer your life up for your children
-have a mid-life crisis wondering why you never did the things you wanted
-die

However tempting that may sound, it is not the pattern that I want for my life.
I am a so called free spirit that was born with an implanted need for fire, for passion, for adventure and the unknown. I want to travel to different countries and get lost in different cultures. I want to take Bibles to Africa and care for the people in my everyday life...My biggest fear is living and ordinary life. I can only pray that God will guide me into the direction that He wants me to go. To impact a generation, be a history maker and leave a mark. And maybe someday when I am ready I will be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen making food and doing the dishes...but even then I will do it in my levi jeans, because I want to and with PASSION...

2010 at a glance

If I quickly look back at 2010 it is easy to label it as the most difficult year of my life yet. If I take a deeper look I realise that I have achieved alot and learned alot of valuable lessons.

looking back on 2010:

1. I have ended a relationship
2. I started a relationship
3. I was dumped
4. Laptop/internet/blue screen of death/computer problems all sorted out by me
5. Made a lot of money
6. Lost a lot of money
7. Kissed to many guys
8. Mended my broken heart
9. Drank to much
10. been mugged twice
11. went to a movie alone
12. went to mugg and bean for a whole day on my own working on my laptop
13. enjoyed my job
14. hated my job
15. attended oppikoppi/bierfees kroondal and had loads of fun
16. hosted many parties on my balcony
17. broke a few hearts
18. met awesome people
19. made awesome friends
20. got beaten up
21. danced until the club closed
22. worked through depression
23. had to many fights (and realise I want to approach life in peaceful matter)
24. learned that my sister and my friend is pregnant
25. celebrated birthdays, engagements and being alive
26. took to many risks (yes that is possible)
27. enjoyed being single and realised that it is something that I just might want to be for the rest of my life
28. realised that I'd rather travel than have children
29. read EAT, PRAY, LOVE (and rediscovered my love for books)
30. Spent many mornings in bed reading
31. forgave myself
32. forgave other people
33. got to know and understand my God-given purpose in life
34. watched TO SAVE A LIFE (and read the book) and it CHANGED MY LIFE
35. the Holy Spirit started working in me softly, slowly and carefully
36. went back to church
37. found an awesome sel group
38. got my joy back
39. remembered why I am alive
40. loved alot

and now....now I just have this continuous joy in my heart. The never ending beating of life. That reminds me that I want to make a difference. That I want to be a fruitcake for God...That I want to volunteer, help people and live a life where God is my CENTER. Where everything is flowing out of my relationship with Him. A life of love.

Has it been a hard year? Most defnitely
Did it shape me and mold me into the person that God wants me to be? Well it defnitely started to...In my 23 years alive I can truly say that this has been my hardest year yet, but I am better because of it. I believe that God has amazing, awesome, powerful stuff in store for us for 2011. And what better way to start the new year than in cape town.

secret place

Out of the secret place
A river will flow
I will listen
And I will go


Send me
use me
Here I am
A fool for others
But a queen in Your hand

Judgment
Hypocrisy
Keep them away from me
Who are they to say
What I must be

A free spirited dreamer
You use me just as I am
God dwells in you as you
We have to believe
That the God of the universe
Is inside of you and me

I run to You

Lord I am helpless and You are my help
I am broken and You make me whole
You give me a still awareness of You
You give me quiet peace
...I run to You

with open arms You embrace me
You hold me in Your arms
and sing me a song of Love
I was faithless but You gave me faith
I was lost but now I am found

You birthed a purpose in my heart
A love for all mankind
You fix my butterfly wings
and I can fly

I can't promise that I won't fall
I am flaud, my mistakes are plenty
A sinner saved by Your grace
but I do promise
to never give up
to hold unto You
of Your hand I will not let go

inspiration

single

discovering me
scary but free
single is how
i like to be

no silly little fights
no does or dont's
whenever i want
i pack my bags and go

i,m not looking for a man
so stop telling me to
go out and find someone new

i dont do relationships
i,m not looking for mr. right
but that doesn't mean
i dont have love in my life

slow motion suicide

your holding the devil in your hand
slow motion suicide
your children doesn't understand

lying on the floor
your wife picks you up
and pray once more

when must we let go of this hope that springs
holding on with faith as thin as a string

waag n bietjie

kom ons speel langs n afgrond
net ek en jy
hou my net vas
as my voet wil gly

kom ons gaan swem in riviere
en dans op strande rond
hardloop in die reen
en word siels gesond

twee aparte harte
trek na mekaar
niks kan dit keer nie
want
die chemistry is daar

no I can't call you superman

when i was 17

i looked at you and saw superman

through all my pain and my tears

you held my hand



when i was 18

i saw batman

cause you held me

and took me to another land



19,20,21,22

where did i lose you?

was there to many things

we had to go through

no more emotion

no more flame

only the biterness remained

LOVE

Lost

weary

down

and

out



what

is

life

about?



then You take my hand and capture me

You show me You, and let me be

You hold me tight

never let me fall

You rescue me from the storm

You keep me safe

let me rise above

You cover me with Your never ending love



Extravagant dimensions of Your love fall on me

It roots me, grounds me and sets me free

It is to much - to wide and deep

for me to understand

You gave me Your Son

I will take Your hand



I will reach out for Your fullness

and live a full life

a life of LOVE

following Christ



And I pray that all my friends

will be filled with Your divine Presence

help them understand

nothing can seperate them

or tare them

from the love of our awesome God

or out of His hands

fairy dust

I wave my magic wand
And say goodbye
Take my fairy wings
And away I fly

I have loads of buckets
To catch all my tears
I chase the new rainbows
Without any fears

Traces of fairy dust
I leave on your face
The touch of your hand
Will leave a trace

But goodbyes are forever
A broken mirror is just that
No way to ever fix’s the cracks

love 4 a hypocrite

i feel like a hypocrite
like i am torn in two
between what i am doing
and what i know i should do

but i dont feel the fire?
i dont feel the flame?
i dont want to do what is right
out of the rules or law
but when i am moved by the spirit
and i am ready for more

Your Word and Your Spirit
not just words i want to use
i need a revelation
i need You

but while i am broken
i am still at peace
because i know You died for and love
the hypocrite in me

the august wind

as the wind is blowing
it is clearing all my thoughts
i drown in my imagination
and see you standing with a torch

looking for your light
i am crawling through the darkness
angels fall around me
as demons take a bite

my cries sounds so hollow
nobody can hear or understanding
while i am looking for the light
i need a helping hand

ou drome - nuwe hoop

Hardloop ek in strate van ou drome af
ek het my hart vir iemand terug gegee
dans ek op strande van nuwe hoop
ek het dit nog altyd geweet

as jy my hart so oopskeur
om te kyk wat jy sou sien
geluk, vrede, geloof en liefde
meer as wat jy verdien

a quick fling

beatle juice and roxette
dancing till my hair is wet
fun and party all night long
singing in the car till dawn
but also about the deeper things
together our hearts remembered Him

choosing me

you showed me your scares
and i opened up my heart
but you couldn't see
the love in me

you made my world spin
you made it go round
but all you could ever do
is put me down

I,m letting go
so that I can see
all the beauty
inside of me

ek en jy

hallo
bye
kan jy raai
ek het jou oneindig lief

4 jaar saamgeweef
in n tapyt van herinneringe
jy bly een van my favourite dinge

my beste vriend
Heilige gees gedrewe
mag ons alles deel
in hierdie lewe

ons pad besaai met God se liefde
die dibbeltjies is net daar om te oorwin

Goodbye - for my granddad

if i could hold you one last time
i would never let you go
just to see your face again
i would give my all

never had the chance to say goodbye
or kiss you on the head
please forgive for the things
that i never said

oupie

n sweetie in jou hemp se sak
ek wat in jou groente krap
bietjie rys, bietjie pampoen
en dan gaan wys jy my
wat jy in die garage doen

oupie bou nie nuwe muur, n nuwe dak
meeste van alles n nuwe hart
geduld en liefde
no matter what

n klein baba in jou arms
n groot dogter in jou plam
oupa was altyd daar
kan nog steeds nie glo jy is nie meer daar?

Bye

ek sit hier op Oliver tambo lughawe
bagasie by my voete, en trane in my oe
saggies huil ek jou spore van my hart af
want vandag moet ek jou groet

ek soek in die diepste plek van my hart vir woorde
want ek wil beskryf hoe ek jou gaan mis
ek vlieg al weg vanaand - weg van jou
weg van mense af
weg van berou
ek is moeg om aan stupid dinge vas te klou
daarom moet ek gaan

bye vir nou

Trap

GAAN
laat jy trap
ek is gatvol vir al jou woorde
vir al jou kyke
en al jou kak

jy dink jy is te oulik
ou grote meneer
baas van die plaas
daar is niks wat jou kan keer

wel ek het nuus vir jou u hoogheid
jou tyd het aangebreek
dalk sien ek jou weer volgende jaar
of hopelik
sien ek jou
nooit weer

Skoenlapper

skoenlapper
fladder, vlieg, vry
ek wens ek was jy

vasgevang
ek en hy

skoenlapper


...bevry my

Myne

Jy is my artwork
my groen-oog babes
en ek het jou heavy baie liefgekry
al die woorde wat ek skryf gaan oor jou
my favourite plek is jou arms
as jou liefde my omvou

wie het gese?

wie het gese ek kannie vlieg nie?
wie het gese my vlerke is te kort?
aan die ander kant van die reenboog
het ek heel geword

Meer as vriende

saamgevleg in vriendskap
ek en jy
so goed ken ek vir jou
en jy vir my
elke liewe geheim
elke liewe leed
terwyl ons alles van mekaar af weet
maar eendag toe ek opkyk
kon ek uiteindlik sien
soveel meer...
as net my vriend

weg

roep ek in die rigting van die wind
ek roep jou naam
my hele wese skreeu uit
"waar is jy vanaand?"

roep ek in die rigting van jou hart
kan jy my hoor
langs watter pad het ek jou verloor

For Kobus and Mariska

Birthed in the Spirit
Birthed from the heart
a covenant so unbreakable
made by the hands of God

Patiently they waited for the right time to come
when finally they realized
they were meant to be one

A love story written by the hands of God
put together like a work of art

Now the time has come for your hands to touch and your spirits to meet
and to lay everything down TOGETHER at His feet

The one thing I pray for
and the one thing I hope
Is that you will glorify God together
more than you could ever do on your own

2am

dis 2uur in die oggend
in die donkernag
ek word wakker van die reen so sag
ek sms jou net om te se
ek is lief vir jou
en ek wens jy was hier om my vas te hou

Roadtrip

net ek en jy
dit is skemer en dit is herfs
erens langs die pad
is daar wolke pienk geverf

woorde so vol
woorde so leeg
woorde wat ons spreek
oor liggaan en gees

en erens aan die skadukant
raak jou hand onverwags aan my hart
en met alle mag wil ek keer
want dit is so onverwags

nou is daar tralies om my hart gebou
en jy is die een wat die sleutels vashou

Rondtomtalie jy

Ek mis my baby vanaand
en more is nog n dag
trappe op
en trappe af

jy sms my by die skool
en gesig bly die heeltyd voor my
erens is my baby
en hy dink ook aan my

roetine is n rondtomtalie
wat net aanhou draai
jy gee die sparkle, sprinkle en shine
wat my elke dag laat smile

dankie my liefie
dat jy my laat lag
soos die berge,son en see
gee jy mooi aan elke dag

Deur engele gedra

wie is soos die wind
is soos die reen?
ek soek na jou dartelend
waar is die plek waar ek jou gaan vind?

ek kyk uit oor die oseaan
en die diep blou see
harde, rowwe golwe
maar in die diepe
sleur die rustigheid my mee

ek loop oor hoe berge
maar my voete bly gesond
niks kan ons skei nie
die engele dra ons rond

Queen in your hand

Hey boy with the simple smile
did you hear the years go by?
I see your face in a heavenly place
and I still pray for you

Hello boy you've been called to your knees
with angels around you and no one to please
your don't know who you are
so seacrh yourself and search your heart

here you are boy but you are now a man
get of your knees...you can now stand
tall in this world
tall in this land
King in your heart
holding your Queen by the hand

sonder jou

Anderkant die melkweg
en aan die anderkant van smart
sit ek
ek het klaar gewag

met sterre in my oe
kyk ek vir die dag
met die son in my vlerke
vlieg ek in die nag

in vryheid het ek vry geword
onafhanklik en getrou
nou kan ek aangaan
sterk...
en sonder jou

MaGic

Ek luister na die reen
en praat met die wind
in die donkernag het ek magic gevind

die weerlig skets vir my n prentjie
van jou gesig
die reen vertel my
dat sy weet hoe ek jou mis

monster

I hate it when you hurt her
with the stupid things you say and do
when you look to deep into the bottle
it shows in the things you do

you are supposed to be my hero
my example of a man
is this what you are doing
really all that you can?

you hurt me with your words
and if you fall over you feet
take another pill
and drift right of to sleep

while you wallow in your dellusion of hapiness
and shutting us all outside
we watch from the sidelines
and something in us dies

You call me a failure
but this i say to you
while this monster is eating
i will not stop praying for you
and we pick you up off the floor one more time

only a shadow of what you can be
sometimes i see a small glimpse of light
i run with hope and desperation
but once again lose the fight
the monster wins again


Everyone asks me:
why do you not trust a man?
and never stay to long?
the above words should answer your questions
can you prove me wrong

cinderella storie

Jy vat n lepel en jy roer my
diep in my binneste skommel jy my
jy vat my gevoelens en pak dit op n rak
herrangskik en rearrange en dan als weer terug pak

omgekrap en deurmekaar
sit ek nou na jou en staar
jy figure my uit en jy ken my te goed
maar as jy iemand perfek soek
lees liewer die cinderella sprokies boek

daar maak alles altyd sin
die koning en sy koningin
die meisie is perfek en mooi
is haar gevoelens ook uitgepak en terug gegooi?

nou sit ek maar hier op my klip
en hoop dat jy my sal aanvaar nes ek is
sonder dat jy my skommel, regpak of rearrange
vat my net so
want dit is al wat jy gaan kry

Victory song

I,m gonna climb the moon and reach the stars
sing my favourite tune and dance on mars
doing rock and roll in the milkyway
the time has come
it is my day

I,m gonna scream and shout
I don't care who hears
It took a thousand miles of heartache
to get rid of all my fears

I have no fear of man
or what they say
no fear of you
I am okay
I'll have fun on Pluto
and I'll call just to let you know
that I had to let you go

Your Presence

As i stand in Your presence tears roll across my cheeks
all my pain is washed away as i go sit down at Your feet

There is no fear or condemnation cause it is only by Your grace
grace,grace,grace amazing
i seek Your Holy face

true meaning of intimacy
i find with You
Love unfailing
Love so true

my best friend and Saviour I have missed You so, our Secret place and conversations
why did i let go?

Your Word is my treasure
as i read it i am changed
page upon page
You are revealing Your secrets in Your love letter 2 me

Passie

Ek wil drome droom wat vir ander onmoontlik lyk
ek wil kaalvoet in die reen dans en met al my klere in die see in hardloop
ek wil in koue weer roomys eet
en hardop vals sing
ek wil se wat ek voel al klink dit dom
ek wil iets moois in alles sien
ek wil met oorgawe foute maak
en met meer oorgawe leer
ek wil elke oomblik lewe
met passie

I am not that girl

no i am not her
the girl with the scar on her face
the one that loves to hate
no i am not the one that only sees the thunder
and not the rain
that drowns in sorrow
and feels ashamed
with no direction
and a restless soul
no i won't be that girl

i am the woman with God in her heart
that sees the silverlining
and plays in the park
loving life and the people in it
the one that is not thinking about giving up
not even for a minute
i am the woman on who God shines His face
who is followed by His mercy and His grace
I am the one
the woman who believes

Liefde

Ek sit alweer en wag vir jou
story of my life
dit is kind of sad ne?

tussen take-away bokse, dvd's en bonjovi
het ons van mekaar vergeet

met elke dag se struggle vergeet jy om my vas te hou
en vergeet jy van blomme en ons anniversary
en ek vergeet om dankbaar te wees dat jy my badwater ingetap het


dit is alles so n flipin cliche
die droom
die passie
die idiot wat met n smile op sy gesig rondloop en vergeet van realiteit
die meisie wat vergeet dit is 2010 en hard to get is n freakin moet
teensy jy op die grond wil sit om die stukke van jou hart op te tel

die lewe is wreed
en die liefde maak nie altyd sin nie
mense skei deesdae vinniger as wan n dragqueen na n shoe sale toe hardloop
but that is life
en as jy nie jou oe te vinnig knip dan sal jy hulle sien
die couples wat jou hoop gee
wat saam lag en dans en speel
wat jou laat besef I want what they have

so sping in die verdomde vuur en vat n kans
jy kan dalk brand
maar net dalk is dit die moeite werd

Dear Holy Spirit

You are my best friend and Lover. You are the one I can trust in when everything else has failed and I return to You yet again.
You never get tired of me and my mistakes. You forgive me and pull me close.

I am never alone. Intimacy with You is the number one longing of my heart, how i yearn to know You more. I want so much just to sit in Your presence and just love. Because You are LOVE

You talk to me all the time but sometimes I choose to hear my own voice. Please, please help me discern Your voice and be sencitive to it.

I pray for a mind that is outside of the box. Why do people want to limit You to their imaginations and what they think You are? You are so so so much more than we can ever imagine, think, dream or comprehend. The vastness of You blow my mind. I do not want to try and understand You I just want to BELIEVE.

It feels like coming home. Everytime I think of You or pray. I feel safe, content with peace overflowing. Knowing that everything will be okay. Knowing that evertyhing will flow out of my intimacy with You. If I seek You first, If I follow Your voice evertyhing will fall into place.

Thank You for loving me

N EMMER VOL GELUK

Sterre in my oe
seisoene wat volmaaktheid vind
ek en jy saam
blaas soenne in die wind

Voetspore in die sand
van my en jou
niks anders maak saak nie
as jy my in jou arms vashou

Sonneblomme in hierdie winterdag
want jy bring die geel en jy bring die lag
jy bring die pot vol liefde
en sommer die suiker ook
geen woorde kan dit beskryf nie
my emmer loop oor

JOU SEISOEN

Die seisoene vleg in mekaar in
daar is nog n bietjie herfs in hierdie winter
en nog n bietjie van jou in my

sonstukke

woorde ondraagsaam
skeer deur my vlees
herinerringe
wat ek wil vergeet

trane in poele
n hart is in twee
dinge verander
mense vergeet

skeer
sny
eina
dit maak seer

vergewe
liefhe
hoop

ek sien die son

AmAzing GrAce (My own version)

I,m not even a little bit as holy as I should be

and sometimes I think it is not even worth try

Then I remember it is by Your grace

and fall down on my knees and cry

Amazing grace how sweet the sound

You always forgive and think about me

I am constantly lost - by You I am found

I am crazy

but You help me see

He made me righteous

and I can now stand

in His presence

even with dirty hands

He takes my sin and wash it away

I can swim in a pool of His mercy

for all of my days

Amazing grace how sweet the sound

of my Father calling me

I once was foolish

not being able to see

that my Father

will always come to rescue me

geskenk

Jy vat my lyf
jy vat my lewe
ek het jou al soveel keer vergewe

ek is toegedraai vir jou in geskenkpapier
met goue linte versier

in diep duister poele verdrink ek nou
ek soek n reenboog om aan
vas te klou